Now anyone in the world can read my story, listen to the album, read detailed liner notes, and watch the music videos of one of my life's most magnificent tales. Because of my multi-dimensional cosmic experiences of love, I am deeply passionate about the topic of soul mates and twin flame relationships. I have approximately 1.2 million questions unanswered from my love story, and thus I actively seek out people and sources who can possibly illuminate my quest for understanding.
About two months ago, I found Matt Kahn and his redefinition of soul mates and twin flame relationships. I immediately forwarded the link to several friends who are on similar journeys. I watched the video again the next day. I scooped up every word and since then, like an energetic cheese cloth, Kahn's words have been slowly seeping through my heart's filter to see what falls through, and what gets to remain behind.
One main idea has seeped through, and since then there's been no more searching for a soulmate. There are areas of healing still taking place within me, there are aching nights, but no more consistent sorrowful hoping and praying for my perfect soulmate to take his place in my life.
I found my soulmate.
Last May, she climbed in the car with me in Salt Lake City, Utah and has been my one consistent companion on this trip ever since. In May I left my beautiful home, my secure job and the phenomenal man I planned to marry. I already deeply loved this dreadlocked angel-talking, giggly goddess, but I had no idea how traveling on this particular trip after everything and everyone I said goodbye to at home would help me love her like this. Every morning I wake up to her, whether I'm in Pittsburgh, Jerusalem or Bangkok. She's the only constant I've got. As I write, my house is in Utah, my car is in Massachusetts, my guitar is in New York, and I am in Thailand.
In my immediate care, I have one backpack, and her.
When I was sixteen years old, I was taught by my parents and spiritual community that I have divinity inside me. My adolescent years were a time of great insecurity, and I remember contemplating this teaching at great length. I was gawky, awkward, shy. I had braces, glasses, eczema, and zits. I was often called a "wall flower", and although I still love the images that phrase spurs within my artistic hippie-inclined imagination, it was certainly not meant as a compliment.
In the midst of my teenage turbulence, I remember seeing two roads. One road led to feeling "less than" the rest of my life. This road was the one most supported by my current reality. The second road invited me to explore this curious notion of divine worth. One ordinary day, the sun rose and set like any other. It was that day I made a conscious decision to believe I am...divine. It was very hard work to climb out of the carefully placed low self-esteem traps set by society, culture, media, and the popular girls at school. It took me a good decade to really solidify it as a core truth. Since then, I have developed a healthy love for self, and always advocate for self-love to be a conscious focus within any community I am part of.
But to declare myself as my own soulmate? Isn't that just- cheesy? Isn't it a cop out phrase, a woo woo way of hiding the fact that I must have failed in my past romantic search for a life partner? Perhaps, except that from the safety and love I am receiving from my sweet inner soulmate, none of those questions or opinions seem to bother me much, even if they turn out to be true. So here I go, a colorfully lit arrow pointing me further down the divine road I have chosen. From where I stand now on the trail, I see three main views:
- I am loyally committed to Emily Ann Potter. I will always listen with an open heart to others' opinions and counsel. At the end of the day, however, I take the time to really listen to what this girl's opinion might be. She's the one I live with, am fiercely committed to, have invested eternity in, and love the very very most.
- I am vulnerable and trustworthy within this soulmate relationship. I definitely get shaky when I call myself out on my stuff. And I get nervous to share my inner most depths with the world. But vulnerability feels different now. She's my soul's mate for life, and no matter how I show up in the world, I always have a home to come home to where I am safe, nurtured, and cared for. And in return, I am doing the best I can to show up for her, to keep my word, and to only make promises I can keep.
- I'm free to love you even more. Within hours of completing a ceremony and committing to myself as my soulmate, I felt some of the holes in me fill up with actual energetic substance. No one could have ever done this for me, whether I am in a romantic relationship or not. I still have lots of work to do, but now more of the potholes in the road are smoothed out, which is so convenient for the next time I drive to your house. Connecting with you feels easier. What's most exciting for me is to connect with those who are also doing this same soulmate work within themselves. Their smoothly paved roads effortlessly lead right back to me, and this kind of connection between souls can only lead to some seriously magical road trips.
Earlier this week, my friend took me to a waterfall on a beautiful, clear morning. The day flutters in my memory with accents of butterflies, mangoes, moss-covered rocks, splashing water from laughing so hard, and holding my palms on the earth for strength as I cried. She held infinite space for me to open my sacred box containing those millions of questions held quietly in my heart from my past love story. You won't believe what happened. Right there in the waterfall, one of my questions got answered. Just one, like one perfectly ripe mango, its juice running down my chin. The answer to my question tasted just as good as I knew it would.
I know that answer came because I had created the foundation within myself for it to fall upon.
Just in case you didn't see the fork in the road when you were sixteen, I'd like to point it out to you now with a heartfelt invitation. Leave the "less than" road. You've bushwhacked through low self-esteem, insecurities, shame, and regrets long enough. Join me on the road where you get to discover your divinity. On this road we learn to walk very slowly to enjoy every tree and bird. On this road we are very patient with ourselves, especially if you're new to your divinity, as it may take a good decade to solidify it as your core truth. On this road you're never alone, because you are always walking with you.
And you're enough.
I have joined the world of humans who talk openly about being their own soul's best mate. Within my circle, it's not weird, it's not plan B, it's not a side note to life's more "important" endeavors. For me, it's been imperative as I more fully show up in all my relationships. I walk differently now. I wear clothes differently. I look at my two gray hairs differently. Dear, sweet little gray hairs...boy have I've earned you.
And I dream of my romantic life partner differently. One answer got checked off from the 1.2 million questions left to go. It's about to get very exciting, as I sense a rainstorm of more and more answers falling from the sky. I have a place for them to land.
Welcome home to your infinite self, Emily. It's fabulous to watch you grow up. I'll always be here to ask you to dance, my shy little wall flower.
I love my Emily Ann.
Thank you for reading! To contribute to my gift circle journey, give any amount of an energy exchange here.
