My experiment in living as a musician within a gift economy found me hitting rock bottom under a tree in Central Park in New York City.
This 10 minute audio documentation I recorded in the park was a reflection for myself only. I didn't intend to share it publicly. I then changed my mind, however, as I was reminded that my most powerful gift to the world is my authentic heart. With my heart open and ready to be vulnerable, I never have to do life alone.
In the recording, I make reference to the "fifth dimensional tools" of Joy, Trust, and Gratitude. I have learned that living in a gift economy within a monetary-based society requires a specific focus to be held with laser beam accuracy using these three tools. When used consistently as a practice, they supersede three-dimensional physical laws, the same way that the law of lift supersedes the law of gravity. I do not seek to replace the security of money in the bank, for example. I certainly want that. I simply desire to build a strong foundation within myself alongside my efforts in building a strong foundation of true wealth. Is it possible to find true Joy no matter what financially catastrophic events may arise? I have the opportunity to also hold the believe (using the tool of Trust) that I will always be ok no matter what my monetary circumstances are. Can my Trust remain unwavering, regardless of whether I'm a millionaire or broke? And lastly, amidst any amount of financial turbulence, can I truly say thank you for it all, utilizing the magnificence of Gratitude?
I have to know these things about myself. For the last six weeks, in Thailand, Russia, and now in New York City, I have traveled to the lowest points of my journey to find out what I'm made of.
As with this audio recording, I'm taking precise notes about my progress using these tools, writing detailed journal entries, and putting together material for workshops that I'm delighted to announce I'm already being invited to teach. The vision is becoming more clear in our global community. In more and more conversations around the world, insufficient money counting as a good excuse for not following a dream lacks the same weight as it used to. Our support of each other in our communities looks less like worry and more like cheers of celebration. And people really are dreaming big. We are becoming less robot and more god.
We're ready to be free.
Here's one example from a woman in one of my audiences:
"You are in the flow and in divine timing. In one week I’m about to do something that terrifies me. And today was the day that I was having a freak out about it. So [your performance] was really important because I have to go do this, and I want to go into it totally grounded and with solid energy, which I’ve had so far. Today and yesterday were the days that I was just like, “Oh God! I’m over my head!” You have this masterfulness about you, even in the fact that you were here today. It was really important to have you so willingly say you believe in other people...this is really good medicine. I have this evening in my heart and in my memory now, so I know I can make it through.”
-Jessie, New York City, New York
Listen to what a brave soul shared with me from another night:
“I’ve come to a crossroads, not wanting to return to the restaurant business. I’m in a space where I don’t want to settle for anything other than what I truly want to do. So your performance speaks to that. I’m terrified. I’m playing it cool, but I’m terrified. Yet I trust it, so… thank you.” -Greg, Bronx, New York
Listen to what a brave soul shared with me from another night:
“I’ve come to a crossroads, not wanting to return to the restaurant business. I’m in a space where I don’t want to settle for anything other than what I truly want to do. So your performance speaks to that. I’m terrified. I’m playing it cool, but I’m terrified. Yet I trust it, so… thank you.” -Greg, Bronx, New York
They both used version of the word "terrifying". On this adventure, I have shared confident photos of me walking with elephants, smiling on Red Square, dancing at golden Thai temples, and gliding dreamily in white summer dresses on beaches from the Mediterranean to the Black Sea. But I've also experienced being terrified of hitting bottom, something difficult to show in photos. In Russia last week, I experienced an almost out of body sensation that "dreams may not come true", a feeling prompted by evidence that the gigs I tried to set up there did not fall into place whatsoever. Instead of playing gigs, I connected to a solemn, almost empty energy that has lingered in the Russian air for decades. I willingly breathed it in and transmuted the sadness through my body for four significant days. I purposefully allowed this, because I want to intimately know my craft. I know my true art form is believing in dreams. My belief in you is my product, and it cannot be fabricated or synthesized. You either know I believe in you, or I am a complete phony. But I'm not a phony. So for the last few weeks, I have been personally researching poverty, hunger, and financial insecurity as reasons people give in not pursuing their life dreams. It is certainly not a fun exercise to do, but I know that it is necessary so that I can really look people in the eyes and mean it when I say I BELIEVE IN YOU. Happy, abundant, fulfilled and energetic, I believe in you. Lonely, sick, sad, exhausted and broke, I believe in you.
Let us now call upon our three superheroes.
1. Joy
2. Trust
3. Gratitude
These aren't doilies for my nightstand. They are superheroes with life force energy nourishing enough to, almost literally, sustain my life. When I waiver for even half an hour, I sink into quicksand of doubt, worry, and feeling...terrified. It takes me three days, working on it every hour, to climb back up. But luckily I have invited these superheroes to take permanent residence in me, and together with our capes flying in the wind, we are unstoppable. They lead me to new vistas to ask one important question. What would it be like to always live in joy, trust, and gratitude, no matter what tornadoes, hurricanes or waves of poverty crashed around me? In a world where I have not personally seen this modeled, is this a sustainable way of being? The divinity in me raises her infinite goddess head, and lures me to just keep walking forward, asking this question. Welcome to my world of self-mastery.
So the stage is set to practice, and I have officially hit bottom. I am asking for help. Not in a beggar way, but in a "I was just out planting seeds all afternoon in our village garden...can I join the family for dinner?" way. I've been waiting for it to be really bad and embarrassing to have to ask for help. And yes, I do feel that a little. But you know what? I don't feel terrified. And what a beautiful place to hit the bottom! Autumn in Central Park is a grand event. It is here under a golden-leafed tree that I go to the depths of my roots of who I am and find what I'm really made of. This is where the magic lives. No wavering, no doubting, no listening to external voices of fear or scarcity. Eyes closed, heart full, chanting... "Joy, Trust, Gratitude..."
This is the quote I referenced in the audio recording: "It requires power to think health when surrounded by the appearance of disease, or to think riches when in the midst of the appearance of poverty. But [she] who acquires this power becomes a master mind. [She] can conquer fate; [she] can have what [she] wants."
-Wallace D. Wattles
This is the quote I referenced in the audio recording: "It requires power to think health when surrounded by the appearance of disease, or to think riches when in the midst of the appearance of poverty. But [she] who acquires this power becomes a master mind. [She] can conquer fate; [she] can have what [she] wants."
-Wallace D. Wattles
I can feel myself becoming stronger. I can feel the veils of illusion of what might be "terrifying" just...dissipate. I have given myself no other choice. I am not fooled by this temporary experience of exploring rock bottom to define me. I am taking every necessary step in digging a deep foundation in order to grow very high. I am growing very high, and it's easy for people to suddenly be friends with those who have already made it. Today as you read my story, you are witnessing the moment when I am deep in it. Thanks for being here for me. If you've ever hit bottom like this before, thank you for going there. Our grove is getting strong.
------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT I AM CURRENTLY GIVING:
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
------------------------------------------------------------------
MY GIFT CIRCLE
A gift circle has two parts. Everyone in the circle shares what they are giving, and what they desire to receive.
WHAT I AM CURRENTLY GIVING:
- Two album downloads here and here
- 3-4 more scheduled performances (like this one) in Northeast America (Vermont, Upstate New York, Montreal, Toronto, etc) from November 2015 to January 2016
- 30 minute matrix energetics mini-sessions
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
- $25,000 from many unexpected sources, for no other reason except that people believe in me. What miraculous gifts to receive HERE.
- 3-4 hosts who desire performances in Northeast America and Canada
- A safe place in Portland, Maine where I can leave my car from December 15 to January 5 while I fly home for the holidays.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
