The saddest words of tongue or pen are these: It might have been...

Ian.

I woke up the other morning with my friend Ian strongly on my mind. For about two years I have been consistently and quite unexpectedly flooded with a vision of him in Europe, specifically Italy. He loves the idea, as leaving his job and all that is familiar for the sensuality of Italian architecture and gelato is a lovely romantic ideal. And although a trip like this also fully supports his future career goals, he let me know there is no place in his current mind frame for this idea to root into a true reality. It's just too expensive, and he has too many responsibilities at home. Regardless, I called him that afternoon, leaving a long voice mail sharing, once again, the vision I had of him gallivanting through the cobblestone of Italian streets. 

He responded to my phone call with the following vulnerable letter, something he has given permission for me to share.

"Emily,

Yeah, this is alarming as well as exciting. Alarming as I see no way (financially) to pull this off, and because until now I just plain don't see myself leaving.... What would I do there?  Where would I work?  Where would I live?  Would I just be a meandering tourist with a backpack?

Your message encourages a huge step---no, leap---of Faith. This is faith as I've never exercised in all my life. It brings amazing fun and Magic to life to have such encouragement from you. I want to be on your team, and active and instrumental, capacitated, connected to my heart. I like boldness, and this is bold beyond my current mindset...but now I have the message to engage in planning, to go huge and so with that, I will begin to research things in Europe, and be open to inspiration that I'll be open to hear.

It nearly takes my breath away to think of what you delivered. This is going to be a stretch that nearly cripples my courage at the thought and scope of what may be required. 

Thanks, you dear, dear, precious friend, for taking the interest and time to share that message with me. Oh, woeful would be my state to learn I lost a major shift in potential and opportunity. I've felt perhaps that lost opportunities are the closest things I can look back upon that come closest to breaking my heart. My hesitating, waiting, not having confidence to move with something, and then it's gone!  Oh!  That is loathsome!  I don't ever want more of that.

"The saddest words of tongue or pen, are these: it might have been."

When I first heard that stated in my early 20's, it was almost like a dagger went through my heart. I felt at that time that I'd really messed up and lost many awesome opportunities. Thanks again. I'll listen and get reflective and inventive in seeking to put together a bold plan of travel and living abroad. (And I will go get that passport application on Monday). With Love and the deepest of appreciation, Ian"

Per my request, Ian sent me a picture of his passport application the next week, a moment we both celebrated. But since then, hard reality has definitely hit him. Here's a segment of his letter I received this week. 

"Emily,

Have I made the decision to go?  Well, hmmm, yes, how can I not have?  But commitment as to when? I'm agitated at all that has to be done here... My cares and concerns for this place (home) sap energy at going abroad. It is so far out of my current scope that it doesn't seem plausible. It's way out of my comfort zone and way out of my money possibility zone (by my intellectual, rational brain). The defacto mode is to just not worry about it, but invest my time and effort into my comfort zone by staying here. My mind wants a good excuse and objective for travel. It holds great appeal to my dreaming side, but the rational mind wars against this with a thousand objections." 

And he's right.  Ian doesn't have to go to Italy. No one is forcing him to go. I wonder what would happen though, if he decides to go. Today I am writing this blog entry to support Ian. And I believe in the power of many eyes reading his story and sending him silent encouragement. Feel free to write a word of encouragement on my Facebook comments if you'd like.  He'll see it.

Ian is vocalizing what so many of us feel.  Our dreams are too expensive, and we have too many other responsibilities.  In fact, if we're honest, our biggest dreams are somewhat impossible. Sigh. Oh well. Life is really good right here, and it's important to learn to be content, not ask for too much, and live in the "here and now".  

Right?

I am just curious enough to ask.  What would happen if Ian allowed room for both: 

1. Be content with the here and now 

2. Plan his trip to Europe

It's for you that I write today, Ians of the world. You might be wandering in the lands of Impossible and Content Enough right now. But for those who keep getting arrows pointing you toward your personal version of Ian's Italy, to you I say, keep breathing. Keep going. Keep putting coins in your money jar. Keep believing. There are no promises you'll get out of the land of Impossible. It's a huge snowy wasteland, very populated by cities of people who are permanent residents. These dear people in our lives have the very best intentions. But they want to keep us there with them to help them feel more comfortable with their choice. There are many risks in walking away.   

 

It's a lot of work, money, faith, and inconvenience for a taste of gelato. Is it worth it?

From what I've learned about Ian, he is ready to taste every flavor, except one.

It might have been.

(Update as of May 22, 2017: Ian bought a one way ticket to Europe. He leaves June 19.)