Signing my name.

If you know me, you know that I rarely sign my name in support of a film. You'll hardly ever hear me recommend a movie to you. And that's a conscious choice. In a world where most people are grasping furiously to anything that will define their souls, many times we resort to outward signs... hair styles, music preferences, books we love. In this stage of existence as mortals, we are avid gatherers. That's what we do, every day. We collect people. We collect memories. We collect pain. Light. Money. Thoughts. Any and all essences are gathered by you, and made part of you. And then we get to figure out what to do with it all.

So when you tell me you loved a movie, your name is now signed on that movie and your name and that movie are linked. You are defining a piece of yourself to me.


I am signing my name on this one:





It's a conscious choice, knowing its controversial subject matter. It's about people who have been denied love in our society. It's about people who've suffered way too much. It's about people who are looking right at me and saying, "Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?" And then it's my turn to answer the question.

Signing my name right here is the beginning of my answer.

It's controversial. It deals with hard issues. I've watched this film four times just this week. Why? Because I still don't fully get it. I need to fully get it. Otherwise, I lie. I cannot call myself a Christian. Or a lover. I cannot call myself a sister in our global family. Or a true light seeker...unless I can stop squirming when the love gets hard, and the people start dying, and the judgments flare up, and when I take plush comfort in simply averting my eyes.

Heavens no. And hell no.

I'm on a path of light.
I'm on a path of seeing what God sees, and knowing what God knows.
I'm on a path that if and when I've ever told you that I love you, you'll feel it warm you like sunshine, and you'll never be able to doubt it.

And then there's my favorite lines.
"...people living with living with living with living with living with NOT DYING FROM DISEASE. Let they among us without sin be the first to condemn!"


Genius. A man in drag using my Teacher's words to teach me.

This life thing is hard. Sometimes I really want out. Do you ever feel that way? But here we all are. We all signed up for this. Sigh. Sometimes I forget that I'm a warrior. I get tired. I get very sad to be here. And very confused. I'm excited to die. It's as exciting as life. So ok. In the meantime, we're here, and we have a couple choices...

"Give in to love, or live in fear...no day, but today."


Here's what fuels me. I have just found out in the last few weeks about people who are reading this blog on a regular basis, besides friends and family I already know are here.

A cousin of a friend, who then sent this link to another friend.
A woman who got the link in a mass email one year ago.
A man I danced with as we watched the sunrise, two years ago.
My college mentor from three years ago.
A couple old boyfriends.


This is connection. This is the soul of the moon. We're in this together. You looking up, and me looking up at the same time, at the same Light source...


This is me, taking time to love you. Learning to see the God and Goddess in you. Whether you date men, women or both. Whether you love Jesus, heroin, or playing video games. Please be patient with me. Sometimes I have to watch your movie four times to get it.


But I'll get it. And when I do, I'll sign my name to your's, forever.