About 6:45 p.m. people started coming in. "I saw your flyer," a stranger said, "I had the choice of going to a dinner party with friends, or coming here. I'm sick and feel terrible... but here I am."
6:45 and one second later... I felt my heart rise again.
7:05 p.m. I looked out at the audience and saw half of the seats empty. I felt a mad scramble of panic happen in me... why is it not packed full?
7:25 p.m. My first piece of the night. I gave and gave and felt and gave.
7:45 p.m. Intermission. I stayed back stage and did last minute rehearsals and hoped that I would remember the lyrics to my songs for Act II.
8:15 p.m. I realized that my dad and brother and my male friends were going to see me belly dance. I hoped they would see me as art.
8:25 p.m. I realized that almost everyone who said they would be there... were there. It made me believe the theater really was full.
8:40 p.m. I looked at Lumina and said, "This is the last time we're singing this song on this stage."
8:50 p.m. Long hugs, autographs on our CDs (we sold them all and have people on a waiting list), pictures, flowers, stories...
8 something p.m. A Korean man in broken English held one hand on his heart and one in my hand and said, "You taught me - own my passions. I understand - own my soul."
Now: My soul connected with another soul. It is a miraculous phenomenon and delicious to my taste. And it has happened in bounty since that one and a half hours we were on stage.
Sunday night: Jacob, Andrew and Paul came to our house. In the middle of making spaghetti I suddenly felt very unsafe. I needed to be held or comforted or assured. I wanted to enter somewhere soft and warm after being vulnerable.
People keep telling me that I'm brave. Can someone explain that? I don't understand. What's brave? Is it brave to love who you are? Or is it just brave to show people that you love who you are? What's the alternative when your soul demands to be acknowledged and owned and adored? FEAR of those things? Give me your insights. This is key.
Goodbye until I see you again. I'm going to Japan for the week, and the next Sunday... I'm coming home.
I love you.
2 comments:
I think being brave is willfully choosing the path less travelled by... if for no other reason than you wish it to be so.
"The grave digger puts on the foreceps,
The stonemason does all the work,
The barber can give you a haircut,
The carpenter can take you out to lunch,
Now, I just want to play on my panpipes,
I just want to drink me some wine,
As soon as you're born, you start dying,
So you might as well have a good time"
Just remember to save time to decompress.
Bravery = absence of fear
fear = me vs. them mindset
bravery, erasing the lines. What ME? What Them? US! WE! Connection.
Also, bravery may be knowing you may be wrong, therefore - just go ahead!
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