Goodbye, friend.
I mailed a letter to you today...
More for me than you.
I ripped my favorite picture of us in half.
Not in hatred or anger
but in ceremony.
You have no more access into me
and I won't come to you anymore.
Stay on your side of your wall...
and be well.
I'd like to cry, but you would walk away.
I'd like to flip you off, but you wouldn't notice.
I'd like to try to explain myself, but you have turned your ears off to me.
I'd like to treat you as coldly as you have me, but I don't know how.
But I think I understand now.
You needed me to say goodbye a long time ago.
-Emily
Several weeks ago, I wrote a song based on you. In the song, it sounds like I'm bitter. I'm really not. It truly is an expression, as well as a real invitation.
Write the Song
Lyrics and Music by Emily Potter
I don't want to know how you are
Don't tell me how your day was
I don't want to know you're happy without me...
'cause you have more to say.
I don't want to meet your new girlfriend.
Cause I can't hide behind my eyes like you can
and I don't want to feel what I cannot say.
Just let me walk away.
CHORUS:
And I don't want to be like you.
You turn on my cd
and you listen to me sing
so that you aren't the one
to write the song.
I don't want to show you my new painting.
You didn't even tell me if you liked the one I gave you for Christmas
or wait...
Maybe you did.
I don't remember.
Well, ok, it's just your face in paint.
But I'm trying to forget you at the same time I'm trying to write this song
and at least by the time I'm through an hour of this evening has gone
and plucking these two strings feels better than watching TV or waiting for the phone to ring...
I don't suppose you'd want to call... I don't expect you to.... at all...
You don't want to know how I am
Cause I can't lie and tell you I'm fine
but I can tell you
I'm doing the best I can
CHORUS
But I don't want to be like you
You turn on my cd
and you listen to me sing
so you aren't the one
to feel the song.
I want to feel allowed to love you
Tell me where to throw your share.
I want to feel allowed to cry
and not ask why.
But I don't want to be like you...
Tell me you're angry, tell me I'm crazy, tell me to throw my heart away, tell me you miss me, tell me you're over me, tell me to stay, tell me you're proud of me that I learned to love again... but don't sit there silent, cause you have more to say, and when I ask you how you are, don't answer "fine" and try to avoid my eyes... and don't talk about the rain cause I don't care about the weather...
CHORUS
And I don't want to be like you...
I'm screaming!
You turn on my cd
and you criticize me singing!
Honey, be the one...
Be the one to write the song
And I won't be like you!
I won't be silent like you!
I won't be spotless like you!
Honey, be the one...
...to write the song.
5 comments:
reading your song, imagining how the music might sound, it occured to me (not for the first time) what a wholly beautiful person you are. thank you for letting me love you.
can there be any appropriate response to such poetic expression? I, of course, have so many feelings about all this, it is such a double-edged sword for me to read, I weep in my heart for the situation that I am powerless to change. I guess that's no different than anyone, anytime, watching a loved one (or two) suffer.
mmm...this song says it Em.
i wish i could get to the point of resolution you have.
will feelings like this always remain a struggle inside of us?
you don't understand why this person can't write a letter or a song? neither does he, i bet.
here's another song in the same vein that has always ripped my heart to shreds:
http://www.angelfire.com/ok/threetard/bf502.html
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