I'm selfish.

The other day, God told me I was selfish.


"What?" I asked, "What kind of thing is that to say to me? You're God. You're supposed to be nice and loving to me."

"Well," He/She answered, "It's true."

"Oh yeah? Really?" I wanted to get huffy and defensive, but I've learned that that never works with God. He/She just waits until you're heart is quiet and soft again. So instead, I listened.

He/She reminded me that being selfish isn't altogether a bad trait. I was reminded of several definitions of the word, and the fact that it is quite often taken out of its real meaning: "being of self". (Calling someone "self-ish" is actually a compliment- one who is true to self.)

"But," God said, "Don't be fooled. I'm telling you that you're selfish in the not so good sense of the word: One who is self-consumed."

And then my eyes were opened into a vision of my heart's overflowing sink of dirty, disgusting selfishness, and it wasn't a pretty site. It's not to say that I'm ALWAYS selfish. But I certainly have some chores to do.

"What should I do?" I panicked. That vision did not look good. "Should I give all my money away to the poor? Should I, uh, um...um..."

"No, Em. Nothing drastic." It's a comfort when God uses your nickname. It reminded me of that sweet -I know you- embrace from family or boyfriends.

"Just be aware of it," God continued, "Keep it in check. Balance it out with service and prayers, and donations to humanitarian causes. Even just your thoughts, Em, are so powerful. Just one of your thoughts, seeped in love, can change the world."

I wanted to cry. Love entered my being.


God knows where I'm ultimately trying to go.