Last night I had a very disturbing dream.
A couple stood near me in a New York subway station, a man and woman. A bomb went off, and I watched them smile and hug and kiss each other with joy. It was clear this was their doing. Everyone who survived ran. I ran too, but when I saw them get in their car to escape, I turned back to get a visual of them and their license plate number. I didn't want to run anymore. I didn't want to let them win.
Lots of other stuff happened... eventually they found me. I looked into their eyes for just a moment. They were full of hatred and darkness. And they were such good looking, beautiful people too. The man was a large, well-built black man. The woman was a white, petite, gorgeous blonde. We had one moment where we looked at each other intently. It was their power against mine. Fear crept into me, and it was a true struggle to push it back out again. We stood there, all their energy beaming at me, attempting to make me afraid. I fought back, all my energy beaming back at them, trying to keep the fear out.
I woke up at 3:30 a.m. this morning in a cold sweat. I stayed awake for a while, thinking.
I have similar dreams all the time. The situations vary, but the impression I'm left with as I fall back asleep is always always always the same.
The other day my friend came into my office. He is in his 60's and has seen and done the dark side. Murder, rape, prison. He looks at me with soft eyes now. He has switched sides. Now his stories consist of the sacredness of seeing a moose on a snowy hillside, the joy of meeting a new friend on the bus, and an idea he has for writing his 22nd book. As he told me his life stories that day, he looked at me and started to cry. "Emily," he whispered, "You have power and light. But don't get into a false sense of security. The dark side is alive and real. You must be prepared and alert. You must continue to gather your light, and be very careful."
I know this sounds like the latest Harry Potter or Star Wars. But actually, it's Harry Potter and Star Wars that is mirroring what is truly real for me...
I don't use the word "warrior" lightly. You've heard me call you a love warrior when you've had your heart broken, and when you risk looking foolish for a girl, and a million other scenarios. And you've heard me call you a light warrior when you've chosen to be true to your heart and leave a religious doctrine you don't believe in, and when you choose the job that serves people instead of the one you've said you'll be miserable in, but that pays more.
These dreams wake me up to tell me that I am a warrior, and that lately I'm getting sloppy. They wake me up in a cold sweat to remind me to practice, to gather, to prepare, to firm up, to train, and to continue to be alert.
I don't know how real this is for you, but I need to speak my truth over and over again that it is real for me. The true enemy of a love and light warrior is fear. I want the next dream to be that the love and light in me was so strong that darkness and hatred could not exist in my presence. That is exactly where I'm going.
And just to let you know, their license plate number was 486 NYD.
10 comments:
hi,i,m bahram from south of iran,i,m very happy of visit you,r great blog.....i,m waiting for you,r visit
bye
oh!!!exuse my freind...me forget to write my weblog url....it is: www.bahrammahtabi.wide10.com
I understand what you mean and what you say. To some degree the past year and a few months has taught me 2 ways of eliminating fear: either to simply not care enough about anything to be afraid, or to simply trust that the One who is really in charge will take care of me and all that I hold dear.
From what I know of you, you are what I'd call a Servant. A servant is someone who has dedicated themselves to God and following His commands. I'm glad to know you, as a fellow servant.
One strange note from my side of the fence.... If I were presented with the same kind of situation I don't know if I'd be able to feel fear. I look at death differently than many, because I know too many that have gone there and know that if needed, they can contact me. I acknowledge death as something that I will go through anyways, so if I have the opportunity to make it mean something, why not? After all, Everyone dies, but if given the opporunity, why not go out with a purpose. I know who I serve, and trust Him to put me where I need to be and to help me be the happiest in the end.
God Bless you.
i hear you... it's real... and it is very exciting... i have an understanding that as dark as dark gets the light will be just as light...
wow Em
I finally get it. I never understood your warrior talk before, but your dream was a way for me to truly see what you are talking about. wow. wow.
I love that you take them on. You are so BADASS! I love that you are on my team, that you are on the good side, I believe in your strength and light, and I'm adding mine to yours. Put me in the dream with you, you are not one alone against those two beautiful people, you've got a backup lit-up warrior princess partner! We are light super heroes.
You make my life so much better! Funner and more profound.
I love you.
wow. have you heard of fowler's stages of faith? the last stage is when the person goes from practicing love to being love. all i really mean to comment is that you inspire and i'll be thinking about your words for a while. thanks!
For years I had a recurring nightmare of being hunted down (it was usually in a school) and shot at point blank range which usually caused me to jolt out up in bed either completely stunned or with some terrified tears in my eye. One time, however, I looked the gunman in the eye and said, "Eh. Go ahead; my life's in order and I can't wait to go to heaven." I haven't had that dream since, so now I guess I just need to keep my life in order.
i love thinking of you as a love & light warrior. it is so true!
i love to think of myself as a warrior, too. a freedom fighter. (i think of abba's "fernando"...)
we are powerful warriors for good!
I am understanding you better.
I am becoming unafraid of my own light and strength with you.
I am inspired and humbled by you dear friend.
This sounds like a short story. I love that you remember the license plate #.
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