Lumina started it a long time ago. She told me that the ugly side of people is beautiful. She is the brave one in my life who actually shows her's. It makes her more and more beautiful every day.
Jake prompted it. He told me again on Sunday in church that I was "Pure Sunshine" because I'm always so radiant and happy. I glared at him and said, "Stop it. When you say that, you're making me into an object. You're dehumanizing me by not giving me the validation of my sadness. Just yesterday, for example, I layed in bed for hours crying." He understood, and apologized. But I realized I've set it up that way for him to think that.
Ryan continued it. Several things he's said and written lately made me want to feel brave enough to show my not-so-cheery side. Why are people so afraid to show that part? Why am I? I told Ryan last night what I thought. I want people to think highly of me. I want to be loved. I don't do well without love.
The more I think about it, though, the more I believe that this blog is not the place for me to do it. Call me. Email me. See me. The problem, though, is that this is a place where I post my triumphs, my successes, my happiness.
So...I wish to remind our blogging world as you read my blog, and each other's, that these glimpses, these moments we share are only one in a million of moments jam-packed with a million emotions.
As beautiful as I love to be, and as beautiful as I want you to believe I am, I want you to love my ugly side too...
...because it's there.
6 comments:
Believe me, Emily, I know your ugly side. I've lived with you. (ha ha, just kidding!!) I've felt, lately, that my sad emotions are not being validated... by myself, nor by other people. And they exist! And they make my happiness sweeter because of it. We NEED to validate this part of us. Thank you for the reminder.
Wow. I wrote about this EXACT TOPIC last night. Then I chickened out and didn't post it (well... I deleted that section from my post). It is a conundrum, isn't it? How do you get the love you want in your life, but then still feel loved (since you weren't your whole self when you acquired it, you don't really feel like your whole self is loved). I sympathize.
And yet... you know I love you, right? Every... single... tear... and... scowl... and... smile.
WoW!!!! How do you do that?! Blow me away like that...it's so effortless, and yet I know that you take the time to craft it and put energy and time and work into your writing...but Em, you've got pure talent...to express things that are hard to express.
you are such a mirror for me...you listen and think and reflect back profound and deep and precious parts of who I am.
i was wrong when I accused you of copying...you are listening, truly listening and responding back in your language...we are having a life long conversation....
connection. again!
Thank you for reminding us all that what is posted is not nearly all there is.
You make good points that we can all understand.
When i see someone's blog that hasnt been posted for a long time i try to imagine what could possibly be going on with them or are they frozen in time with the words of their last entry.
And then i think of my own and wonder - do they really believe i feel this good?
This medium can only connect us so much....
I think this is very interesting. We are taught from the beginning that people only want to see the happy you. Then we wonder why we feel unfulfilled in our relationships. When we know it's because we aren't our whole true self and wonder how much of themselves they are hiding. The older I get the more I am realizing that in order for me to feel real I must show all sides of myself. That forces me to risk and I struggle with that because O too want to be loved, and I long for the whole me to be loved. Hmmmmmmm....
amen sister emily. amen.
ps
i love all of you.
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