She broke up with me tonight. She doesn't want me to be committed to our friendship anymore.
She let me go.
I wondered if it was true. I think holding on to her was too painful for her.
I went to her house tonight. Every room is a disaster area, complete with four cats, a dog and clutter, piled atop of each other. But she's so in love and so happy.
The only thing that made her unhappy..... was me. Hearing my stories, seeing my face, feeling my love for her.... I almost literally saw her build a wall up in front of me as I spoke. I called it to her attention and she said, "I'm just disattaching myself to everything you're saying. I don't want any part of it."
And she thought she hurt my feelings, but I think a part of me knew that I was seeing her tonight for the last time. She continued to speak, and I quieted my thoughts and let her fill the emptiness with what she needed so badly to say next...
"Goodbye."
It felt right and true. I've been so committed to our friendship that I didn't know I was strangling her. I told her that I understand the best way for me to love her is to let her go too. She cried with happiness. "That feels so exciting," she said.
So she dropped me home at 1:30 a.m. this morning. She got out of her truck and gave me a hug goodbye.
She has never read this blog. She will never read this blog. Yet, I believe the energy of my written words will be carried to her heart from afar.
I love you.
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